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*Guest Post by Awakened Feminine beauty Miriam Butterman*

Anthropologically speaking, women are culturally conditioned to sit in circles with one another, support and hold a space for our distinctly feminine actions, behaviors, and norms. We see it from the tribal to the contemporary cultural. And without a doubt, I value my time spent with women as a force that inspires many of my behaviors, my compassion and my connection towards the world around me.

In my experience, this grouping, however, does not mean that the most learned and Awakened friendships with other women are always easy, fluid or non-confrontational. When confrontation and bad energy arises, an irony of our compassionate gatherings arises;  women can be completely unforgiving, stinging and downright debasing when it comes to disagreement. For me, the sting is not in the disagreement, it’s the format used to get there and the attachment to the difference that hurts the most. Consequently, there falls another wound into an already fragile circumstance. I’ve been trying to work out why this is? Why are women who are conditioned to support and accept each other, not able to fight fair?

I read recently that boys are taught confrontational skills in steps. They may be violent or aggressive, yet they are taught in many facets how to fight, let go and move on. Women on the other hand are generally not taught how to manage confrontation and have no experience in how to get over this hurdle to arrive at a place where we can let go. What subsides is an unwillingness to surrender. I won’t talk to you today, or I will no longer talk to you ever.

Women, it takes work to connect and even more in the times of disconnect. It takes more than physical presence because that’s just weird to have to hang out in the presence of unresolved, non-communicated ill-will.  It isn’t about taking sides. Or maybe it is.  You CAN choose to support yourself in conflict, not feign indifference to your own truth and still be an inspiration of goodness and a pillar of strong compassion for another. What I’m proposing is not easy. And it may take practice. But if it’s sincere then it’s all for the right purpose.

 If you are tired of feeling dis-ease in the presence of your differences with other women, let’s attempt to “change the paradigm” as AF likes to call it:

 Step 1: Living in the nature of your true Feminine Power means being aware of the impact you have on other women.

Step 2: It means communicating to each other that any negative feelings we may have, those of shame, anger, jealousy, or general malaise, are simply there—in the way, no vector diagrams needed. In other words, we don’t need to point the finger. They simply exist and unfortunately live in the structures of our own gross body.  ”I feel jealous” “I feel resentful.” “I feel slighted.”

Step 3. It takes observation of our actions not our thinking. Is something happening that represents my malaise or ill-will?  Am I not present today or this week? Am I speaking angrily? “I can’t focus because of it.” “I’m unable to eat thinking about…” Then, try sharing this with the person who is your focal point of conflict. Just try.

 Once we recognize the negativity and disconnect and surrender to the actions that come about, hopefully we can let go of them and live in our true nature. That’s moving on. That is admirable. Those are the friendships that inspire.

And if those steps don’t work for you, then I invite you to return to that great question,“Why bother?” What’s it doing for each of us when we focus on the differences and the conflicts? I find it not only creates greater division between each other, but also within us.

My goal for the Awakened Feminine experience is to be entirely myself and entirely recognized for it. Yours may be different. I propose we use our compassion and our strong feminine hearts to celebrate each other regardless.